8 KINDS OF MEN TO AVOID

Relationships aren’t for the faint of heart; you are required to bare your soul to someone and pray they reciprocate.

You’re expected to compromise a lot (sometimes at your own expense) to ensure that the relationship is kept afloat.

If that’s not enough, you also have to go through the tedious task of making sure that you don’t wear your heart on your sleeve for the wrong person.

Women have it the worst. Society is riddled with swine who pretend to be gentlemen; and because not that many of them exist, we often find ourselves falling victim to deceitful boys who only want to get in your pants.

But don’t fret, there’s a glimmer of hope. Below is a list of the worst types of men you absolutely have to avoid!

The Runner

This is a man who’ll run for the hills at the very mention of “feelings” or emotional attachment. He doesn’t handle “we need to talk” very well. It’s not your fault that he’s not yet mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship – he’s still a boy, and if he’d rather “kick it” with you then kick his spineless ass to the curb.

The ‘Charmer’

This guy right here is a flirt, he can’t help himself. He has several side-chicks under his playboy belt and you’re probably one of them. He’s insecure and probably has to contend with a “small” issue that has nothing to do with you. With him you’ll always be an option, never a priority.

The Stand-Up Guy

If you have no problem getting stood up at the last minute after all the effort you put in to looking and smelling your best, then this guy is a good gamble. He won’t hesitate to send you a Whatsapp message cancelling on you an hour after he was supposed to pick you up for dinner; the common excuse being “Something came up. Sorry”.  That’s how little he thinks of you.

Mr “I’m the Sh*t”

He’s just not that into you because he’s too preoccupied with being into himself. He’s a narcissist, and he keeps you around for those rare occasions when he needs a brief distraction from how amazing he is.

He’s always talking about himself, and when he isn’t, he never lets you get a word in because what you have to say is insignificant. If you have no qualms with being someone’s protégé, this superficial bastard is your Mr Right.

The Teddy Bear

He’s not called a teddy bear because he’s cute and cuddly, but because he’s a big softie. He’s overly sensitive and dramatic and blows the smallest things out of proportion.

He also doesn’t take sarcasm very well because in his mind, every statement is a personal attack on his character. A thoughtful man who spoils his woman is attractive; however, a man who’s constantly smothering you and is clingy is a turn-off.

The No-Show

He talks a good game, shares his dreams of living lavishly but the only problem is that he STAYS seated on his arse! He’d find a job if he bothered to actually look for one, and it doesn’t help that he has expensive taste which he expects you to maintain. You are only useful to him because of what you’re able to provide for him financially. RUN!

Mommy’s little boy

One of the most pathetic forms of man there is. Being family-oriented is one thing, but this guy takes the notion too far. Here’s the truth ladies, if you’re dating this guy then be prepared to always come second.

He’s the type of man who’ll find any reason to run to his mommy dearest for advice over the pettiest nonsense. She, on the other hand, probably doesn’t even like you because she either feels threatened by you, or thinks that you’re not good enough for her “precious boy”.

You can’t compete with that kind of attachment, so why even bother?

The No-Brainer

The married man is a definite no-go! He made a sacred vow to another woman and has a family. Contrary to what you might choose to believe, he will never leave his family for you. You only spite yourself by being with him, unless you’re cool with the “side-chick” title.

THE DANGER OF HABITUAL MASTURBATION

sex between two adults( preferably married) is a wonderful thing. In marriage, sex is one of the key factors that keeps the fire burning and it gives room for intimacy, it is not surprising to know that sex can end a long quarrel between two married people. But,when an individual decides to satisfy his/her urge alone hmmm! Such individual will enjoy the moment but what happens after may take years of counseling  to correct.

When you are a habitual masturbator, you are in your own secret world of fantasy where only you reside, you shot the door against your partner and build walls around your sexual desires without knowing it. Your partner becomes a pass time to you cos he/ she will never satisfy your sexual fantasies no matter how much he/she tries. You become your,own sex mate cos nobody can do it to you the way you enjoy your own touch.

The consequence, resentment sets in. You will gradually start to resent and dread the touch of your partner, you no longer enjoy the union both of u share together, u just perform the duty but with no enthusiasm. If you allow this to go on, it will be so obvious that your partner will start noticing it, he/,she will at first think that they are not good enough and will try everything to make u come around, but like an unfaithful partner, nothing he/she does will ever satisfy u because a strange person has come inbetween the both of you in your sex bed and that strange person is you locked up in your world of fantasy. when their efforts fail, frustration sets in, they also will loose their enthusiasm for sex thereby gradually creating gaps and holes between the two of you.

Habitual masturbation can make u withdrawn from your partner, keeps you busy doing your thing in the toilet or bathroom, away from where you husband/wife will see u and when you are done, you are tired and will not want him/her taping you and demanding for sex.

MY ADVICE: no matter the fantasy you have on the type of wild and crazy thing you want to do while having sex, discuss it with your partner, communicate, guide his/ her hands to those parts of your body that actually makes you go gaga,if he/ she has not been doing it well, teach him/her with love, know what u want and make it know to your partner so as to avoid helping your self out and forming a habit of it.

If you are already a habitual masturbator and it is tearing your home apart(you no longer enjoy the touch of your partner and he/she is no longer finding it funny)  please, you can help your self alone, seek help, summon courage and tell your partner( I know it is not gonna be easy but it will make him/her feel a lot better to know that he/she is not a failure and is not the cause of your being cold in bed. Remember, problem shared is problem half solved, together both of you will break those walls around you and bring you out of that lonly world where only you exist.

world apart

Enjoying your young wife if you are much older than her can be a heavy task and may lead to frustration if not well handled. But here is what you should know:

Living with a partner that is way older than you may not be as fun as u think but can be rewarding if you put somethings perfectly in place.

Always remember that both of you are two different people from a very different world. While the man in his late forties will view like as a serious business that need no child’s play, his young wife of early twenties will always want a little flexing.( while the man enjoys “Osadebe” or Jim rivers from the oldies, the lady want to listen to beyonce or kirk Franklin.)  There may arise some conflicts of interest that may frustrate the both if not handled.

Here I recommend compromise, first the older partner should realize that his young wife is actually ‘young’ ( no matter how matured she may look psychologically and physically) and shouldn’t force her to be old all of a sudden. Have it in your mind that she will once in awhile exhibited childishness so prepare your mind.

The older partner should try being young sometimes ( probably he will come to love lt)

It will be disastrous to also treat her like a child that doesn’t know anything and don’t know her left from her right. Strike a balance, don’t push her too far dont force her to be suddenly old and don’t make her a kid ( for Christ sake she is not your 8 year old daughter!)

Admonish her in love, bring her closer to you( not your age) and take her,through you dream s, purpose and vision, she may not get it at first but don’t loose your patience and give up on her, with time she will understand and start following with ease.

Finally, modernise your self, baff up and make yourself cute and good looking (don’t dress like a man from 1836 in 2014) make her,proud to call you babe or,darling( what,ever she,chooses)

So guys, let us have a conversation here, add your contributions.

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WINTER COAT .

‘‘ hmmm…. ( where do i start from….ok, here we go)…..)
this is Sandra…

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(beautiful isn’t she ?) a typical African beauty who was fortunate to graduate from college with the best of results and luckily got a job with Agip( an oil company in port Harcourt) she is 25 with a body that is the envy of every woman but unfortunately to the guys and colleagues, she is taken! ( in a relationship, though complicated) by HIM…

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‘‘hmmmm….hope i got him right..” OK. Jackson is a basket ball player based in lagos, with lots of busy schedules and his team members to spend time with,(u know how it is when you are a celebrity) though he has a lot of cash to through around and to make Sandra’s life comfortable, calls once he is free ( which in not always) but that is not what a girl need ( u know like security, being there for her,providing a shoulder to cry on when she has the need,bla.. bla…blaa….) so most times she is lonely and in need of a guy to hang out with so she got close to this guy ( real close…)

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johnbosco is a normal guy, hard working, smart, reserved in fact  the perfect picture of a good guy. johnbosco is a colleague to Sandra, they are in the same department in the office (public relations) fortunately, both stay in the same neighborhood and obviously both went  to work and came back together. it wasn’t long before both became besties….(NORMALLL…) the truth was, Sandra found everything she was missing in Jackson all in Johnbosco, she was so comfortable with him to the point of sharing her relationship issues with him, how lonely she was, how she crave for a perfect guy like him;
‘‘i wish i have met you before now, you are the perfect guy i have always wanted, do you know he beats me when ever i visit him ? he abuses, i mean nothing  to him, he is never there for me, oh… i wish i could leave him…” she will tell Johnbosco.
‘‘ then why don’t you leave him ?” john would always ask
‘‘oh, i cant, am scare i may not get some one to start a new relationship with”
‘‘ you know i am always here for you” John would answer.
poor John, he never knew he was just a temporary fence to hang on, hoping that Sandra would love him and soonest she would set things right by calling it quit with her basket ball player of a boyfriend and love him properly (awww… what a dream). he took her to the saloon, went to the market for her when she doesn’t feel like doing it herself (which was like always) loan her money when she ran out of cash ( which she doesnt pay back often) stayed over at her appartment after  work to finish her unfinished work in the system while she slept for she was always tired after the day’s work ( so sweeeeeet….. such a nice guy)

poor John, when he though everything is working his way ane that he has succeeded in making Sandra love him with his niceness and good deeds but he had another thing coming. surely, Sandra was enjoying the whole attention, nice deeds, pampering, caring and love gestures and John was over the moon for he was finally going out with a hot babe (or so he thought)
then the story took a new turn ( dam… dam….dam…….#suspense movie soundtrack# ) Sandra suddenly stopped waiting for him before and after work, avoided him in the office, stopped moving with him and refused talking to him or picking his calls. Worried at the new twist, John decided to pay her a visit one Sunday at her apartment, he could hear sounds of laughter and murmur of two persons that are lost in one another, when he touched the door in attempt to knock, the door cracked open and he let himself in, there he saw them, HIS OWN SANDRA!!! with a guy cuddling and didn’t even notice he was there. he cleared his throat to announce his presence and they reluctantly looked up at him;
‘‘who are you ?” the new guy asked
looking at Sandra for explanation, he was short of words and Sandra did the introduction sooooo well
‘‘Jackson meet my colleague in the office Johnbosco, Johnbosco meet Jackson MY MAN” (she was beaming with smiles like some one whose husband just came back from ECOMOG peace keeping )
Johnson was as speechless as a dumb fellow, to salvage the situation, Sandra stepped in again
‘‘John please, i will see you tomorrow at the office, you should have called me before coming, as you can see i am busy right now” 
and he left without a word, out of her house and out of her life. that was the end of a relationship that never happened. Sandra needed a winter coat and he willingly offered more than a coat. he felt so used, tricked and cheated.
‘‘ its not fair ” he mourned but life love itself is not fair for ‘‘NICE GUYS”
here he is;

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mending his broken heart. poor John………..
what is your thought towards this situation ? lets have a conversation…….

WHEN LOVE HURTS- EPISODE 3 ( CONTAINS BROKEN ENGLISH)

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with olamide now soundly sleeping on the mat, she was left alone curling at the edge of the mat with her legs folded in front of her. she allows her eyes to roam around the tent she is, which is over populated with people and the air, too stuffy and hot as people fight to grab the available oxygen.

she could her the loud snores of people that produce some cacophonous, frog like rythm and wonders how people could be so far from what they once called home and easily adopt to the sudden pitiable change that fate suddenly throws at them.

‘‘ kpam!! ” she slaps her left arm as she was trying to kill a mosquito that was feasting on her blood.‘‘ what ‘s the use”  she said to her self, with many mosquitoes singing chorus in her ears as if to tell her something, where will she start from in shoving them off and to think that these little insects are so bold, daring her for a fight ‘‘mtcheeeewwwww” she hissed.

she could hear the crying of a baby from the other end of the tent and the angry scold of the mother, ‘‘ surely ugly situations like this has a way of robbing people of love and care, leaving them with anger, resentment and frustration”. she looked at her son Olamide again now covered with sweats that has already soaked the cloths he is putting on. the cloth was giving to them by an organization of Muslim women in the barrack where they are taking refuge. she removed his cloth and wiped the sweat streaming down his body like water.

‘‘ what was his life before this unrest?  was he living like a prince or were they managing life ? who was his father ? was his father prominent and well to do ? ” she couldn’t tell, ‘‘Nigeria has succeeded in striping  us of all we had and hold dear and pushing us in the cold naked and half dead, wondering like dead men with their eyes socked inside their heads filled with emptiness like zombies”. it doesn’t matter now who he was before, what matters is that he is now her son. Even though he may not make up for the family she lost, but she is going to love him and nurture him as if he is a thousand sons.

Tomorrow, they will leave this place. one of the women from the organisation has told her in confidence that a lorry will arrive tomorrow morning with supplies and if she is lucky, she can follow the lorry back to the west. she know she doesn’t need a supply, what she need  is to get back to her people and she can do anything to achieve that, even if it means squeezing herself and her son inside a sack at the back of the lorry.

making sure nobody is watching, she untied the end of her wrapper and looked at the money the good woman gave to her to keep in case of any difficulty, ‘‘hmmmm…” she sighed ‘‘ even in our darkest moment, fate sure have a way giving us the tiniest of smiles” she thought.

not wanting to remember the ill and the cruelty life has treated her with this past few days, she was determined to look ahead, calling every abuse and emotional turmoil she has as a sacrifices for the only thing she now has, the only child left for her now to call son. looking down once again at him she knew that her life now centres on him, fate has brought him to her and she woun’t let go.

‘‘ we leave at the wake of dawn my child, to stay with my people, there the memory of the past will be erased from you and you will only see me as the only mother you know. i will see my children in you and will give you the best i can get. ” Olamide made a sound as if in agreement while she pet him softly with her right hand, wiping a drop of tear with the other.

                                               …to be continued          

THE AFRICAN MOTHER

any across Nigeria will be celebrating a baby’s delivery today. Labour has ended with smiles, cheers and thanksgiving.
They say birthdays, funerals, weddings and naming ceremonies are the commonest social pastimes in Nigeria.

Cue music……..
What with the dancing, the food, the drink, the rituals…kolanut, salt, honey, the Pastor, the Imam, the Priest…
Pregnancy and labour have been vanquished.
Baby is well….mother is –

Stop the music …..
Today, in Africa, the most dangerous day in a woman’s life is the birth day!
Almost one third of all maternal deaths globally are concentrated in two countries: India and Nigeria!

Globally, an estimated 289 000 women died during pregnancy and childbirth in 2013, a decline of 45 percent from levels in 1990.
Most of them died because they had no access to skilled routine and emergency care. Since 1990, some countries in Asia and Northern Africa have more than halved maternal mortality.

There has also been progress in sub-Saharan Africa. But here, unlike in the developed world where a woman’s life time risk of dying during pregnancy and childbirth is 1 in 3700, the risk of maternal death is very high at 1 in 38. Increasing numbers of women are now seeking care during childbirth in health facilities and therefore it is important to ensure that quality of care provided is optimal.

Globally, over 10 percent of all women do not have access to or are not using an effective method of contraception. It is estimated that satisfying the unmet need for family planning alone could cut the number of maternal deaths by almost a third.

Most maternal deaths are preventable.  By far the commonest cause is bleeding; bleeding during pregnancy, while in labour or soon after delivery of the baby.
Infection, disorders related to high blood pressure, AIDS and prolonged obstructed labour make up a significant amount.  Abortion, anaemia, embolism and rarely ectopic pregnancy make up the rest.

The Millennium Development Goal #5 set in 1990 aspires (a) to reduce maternal deaths by 75 percent from 1990 to 2015; and (b) achieve universal access to reproductive healthcare services by 2015.

As of 2011 Sub-Saharan Africa (including Nigeria) had the highest number of births to women between 15-19 years of age in the world: 117/1000 women, relatively unchanged from 123 in 1990.
Early childbearing poses great risk to mother and child.

Another problem is family planning. In Nigeria, large differences in contraceptive use persist between urban/rural populations, rich/poor people, and the educated/uneducated. Healthcare during pregnancy is important and must be provided by “skilled and equipped health personnel”…i.e. a doctor, nurse or midwife.

MDGs Report
An important document titled “Nigeria 2013 MDGs Report” has been released on the NPHCDA.org website.
It states:  “…the maternal mortality rate is 350/100,000 against the target of 250. The proportion of births attended by skilled health personnel is currently 53.60% against the target of 100 per cent and antenatal care coverage (at least one visit)” * the WHO recommends at least 4 visits!* “is currently 67.7 per cent.”

The Federal Government has established a MDGs Acceleration Framework (MAF) for MDG 5 that they believe” will enable all the targets of MDG 5 to be achieved by 2015.”
We are less than 500 days to the deadline.
Nigerian women, daughters, sisters and mothers are waiting.