Sex tends to slow down after a few years of marriage. And if the decline is not checked on time, it could actually fizzle out without the couple knowing what happened in the first place. But there are couples whose sex life is still very active and fun even after being married for 20 years.
In such a scenario, the couple must have found a way to bring back the sex they used to have when they were younger.
If you have been married for sometime and now find that your sex life is going on the decline, there are things you need to do to bring back that spark in your marriage.
Try these tips from our in-house sexpert.
Recharge your passion
Everything on earth eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or seventeen years.
Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome: our partners are, in fact, not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.
So you need to sit back and recharge the passion you had for each other when you were dating or when you were newly married. Do not think that because you are now married, sex is no more important in your marriage. In fact, sex is very important and should be given its pride of place.
Cozy is comfortable, but not sexy
It is a known fact that when men and women become real to each other, they cease to be princes and princesses, gods and goddesses, who inspire romantic fantasies or amorous worship.
Since couples lucky enough to be emotionally genuine with each other share so many real moments, they need to pay special attention to creating magical ones because great sex requires magic.
You can still have that kind of wild, abandoned sex you used to have when you were dating and younger. You can still recapture that fantastic sex life you had back in the days, but only once you admit that reigniting romance takes creativity and a commitment of time and energy.
Explore each other’s fantasies.
The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. As a woman, you can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality.
Learn what his sexual fantasies are and try to fulfil them if you can. As a man, there are basic things your woman would be wanting to do but as the faithful, devoted wife, she may not be able to tell you so that you would not think she has been playing the field and now knows some naughty things.
Talk about it with her and try as much as possible to try them out. For most women, their greatest fantasy is a man going down on them. Do you ever do that to your wife? She will surely treat you like a king if you do.
Intimacy doesn’t equal sex
When a man and a woman reveal themselves to each other, it makes each person feel more vulnerable. And, particularly for men, it’s hard to have amazing sex while feeling emotionally exposed.
Our earliest experiences with being close come from our relationships with parents. And those relationships aren’t (in any normal scenario) linked with sexual passion. That’s why some husbands and wives are open about what pleases them sexually only when they have affairs. They feel as if they have to be free of “family” to be free with their amorous impulses.
Having kids definitely doesn’t lead to better sex
Children in the home define husbands and wives as parents first and foremost, not lovers. That further sets the psychological cement that reminds us we are in a family home, not a love nest.
You should daddy and mummy time where no child interferes with your routine. During the weekends, make your bedroom a no go area for the kids, while you lock yourselves up and make love over and over, like you used to do.
Assume you don’t know everything about each other sexually
A husband and wife can be married for many years without ever telling each other what they find most exciting in bed. This is partly because many people remain painfully embarrassed about their sexual needs.
But it’s also because too much is at stake — namely, the emotional bond between husbands and wives — to gamble it on fulfilling a need that might be seen as odd, selfish, or simply beyond the comfort level of their partners for life.
And after years pass, it often becomes more and more difficult to reveal a “hidden” desire, because it feels like introducing something very foreign into the relationship or admitting that you’ve been fibbing about your sexual desires all that time.
To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a game
Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it’s his turn, you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list.
Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were and could be again.
Give real-life routine a rest
Monotony (not to be confused with monogamy) is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage for an out of this world sex routine.
Learn some new sex technique, styles and be willing to try it out with your spouse. Feel free to suggest a change of tactics and sex styles.