‘‘many lonely cold nights, many empty long days many secret tears shed just for you to stay with me. i wish you could include me in your priorities, i wish you could open your life for me, i wish you should even treat me like one of your congregations, all i get is your cold eyes on me.
you always say i should understand , that the kingdom of God comes first , that love should be shown to those that need it but you fail to see that i too need your love. a little attention from you would have been enough for me, a little compliment here and there, i am not asking too much but for you to know i deserve your time.
you called me weak for not staying up all night with you to pray, but you didn’t know that i actually stayed up all night praying for you rather, that you will come to see how empty my life have come to be and how lonely the nights had been since you had no time to explore my body.
am tired of just sitting at the alter, nodding and saying a frustrating Amen. am sick of faking those smiles in front of everybody pretending all is well, waving hands to your congregation like queen Elizabeth.
you are loved in the church, you are like a god to the people, the most wonderful man who can listen to everyone and solve all there problems but you care less about my thoughts, my longings and my feelings. All the ladies in church loves you, all the mothers tell their daughters ‘‘ hay girl , try and bring home some one like pastor o.j.” you are the dream man of every one in church. yet i am the list in your priority list.
i want to have you around yet i dread of your coming home for you walk around the house like a ghost only talking to me when you feel like i am worth it but in the church you are a better person.
today i am going to pack my bags and come live in the church, since you are always nice when you are there, let us live together in the church and be happy for you can not afford to eir in front of the congregation.
some time i feel like am jealous of God,whether he was the one that tells you to treat me like this, but i should know better, that God is wise. seriously i ask, assuming you were not a pastor, wouldn’t this marriage be different ?
me: this is her agony, lets hear your thought on this