I have listen to most couples talk about their issues in marriage and trying to help them trash out these issues, i found out that some times ( not always) the root course of their problems are minor that actually is not qualified to course a problem if handled properly.
some careless words here and there, lack of interest in the plight of ones partner, misunderstanding of intentions, little or no communication and even things as little as words of encouragement, when not given aproperatly can course a ripple effect in a relationship. let us take this one after the other.
here is my story: i have been married for several years and things has been just fine. am a busy woman that also children to take care of. i have some one staying with me that helps out with some of the chores while i go to work but i have a habit of always doing laundries myself. as children multiplies, the family gets bigger and laundry becomes tougher. now my Mr right does help out some times but not regularly. so i reasoned it out that i seriously need a washing machine in the house.( i would have bought it myself but, maybe i was actually out for some sweet marital issues and i tell you i got it) i told Mr right about it and he kept telling me to wait. i waited for 3 more months and decided to tell him my mind for not fulfilling his word but he was making a joke about the whole thing. i felt like an 8 year old kid. as i pressed on, this is what he told me ‘‘ i will get it for you only when Robinson ( real name withheld) gets one for his wife” ( Robinson is a distant cousin that treats his wife like a piece of dirt,cos he felt his wife is a curse to him, and you know too well that a man like that will never but anything good for his woman except the almighty intervenes) now that is one careless word that got me mad. even though it was said as a joke, but it wasn’t funny at all, why will he use Robinson as a yardstick for buying a machine for me, well we finally settled whatever it was and he finally bought it as a birthday present (never knew that was his plan all along ) but those words got me angry for some time.
feeling indifferent about the plight of a partner.
when a partner is going through hard times ( maybe in the office, with a friend or even with the children) some times it is easy to dismiss them when they come to you with words like ‘‘ well that is one of those things” or ‘‘ it is just a minor thing everybody go through, why make a fuse about it” felling indifferent may be easy but most times it sends a message of lack of care for that one person we claim to love so much. you may not need to do much but listen and let your partner share his/her burden with you. now there are cases you need to take action or come up with solutions please do so with out hesitation.
caution: do not be quick to give solution or take actions without genuinely listening to the problem. don’t give the impression that you want this matter over and done with so you can have your life back. always listen and make sure he/ she knows you are listening. ask questions when necessary ‘‘ how do we tackle this issue together? what can i do to make things better, do you need help handling this, is there anything i can do to make you feel better” these are typical questions that can mean a lot to your partner.
misunderstanding of intentions.
it is also easy to misunderstand a partners intention when it is not going your own way.( just as i misunderstood my Mr Wright’s intention over the washing machine) be it not giving money to relatives,not agreeing to go to that expensive trip to Miami,not getting the groceries from the supermarket, or not buying that car you have always ask him to even though he can afford it. it could be that your partner is not in agreement with what you want and feels he/ has a better option and is waiting for a good time to discourse it with you or he/she is planning a surprise ( may not always be the case) or maybe not financially buoyant enough to pay for the trip in Miami. which ever one it it, before you decide to release your anger on him/her, reason with him/her. ask to know the intentions behind his/ her actions. if your partner feels reluctant to give reasons, give him/her time to come around ( or probably work out the surprises).
Little or no communication.
intentions are known when partners communicate effectively. a good communication saves you the stress of trying to figure out what the other partner have in mind. no body is born to be a mind reader, when there is no communication, every other aspect of a good relationship go wrong even the bedroom aspect ( how on earth will you tell your partner you want to go down on him/ her with out proper signals) when partner don’t communicate, they misunderstand each other. open up to one another, become friends, talk about everything even business or work .stop romancing your tv and newspapers leaving your partner starving of good communication ( phones and gadgets are now taking place of companionship with our loved ones) nothing can be equated with the time we spend chatting with the one we love.
words of encouragement.
everybody needs to be encouraged, be it the stay home mother that keeps the children and the home, the career mother that joggles school runs, house chores, her work and the bedroom business, CEO husband that deals with client,staff and also come back home to crazy rug rats (kids) that will not allow him drop his suitcase before climbing on top of his head, the employee husband that has a monster as a boss, even the stay home daddy ( we have more of them these days) that cares for the home while mum holds the job and pays the bills. we all need encouragement and our heart cries out for it every now and then. we tend to feel unappreciated when our partners do not encourage our efforts. so there are tendencies that most of us will rebel in our relationships when we are not getting the attention and encouragement we needed so badly. the saying ‘‘ if i don’t get your thumb up in a good way, at least i can get the thumb down provided you make a sign with your fingers for me” comes in play here.
so here and many more are the little ripples that makes great negative effects in a relationship. can you think of any other thing ? share with us in your comments, we will be happy to learn from you.